Inferior faith is how I'm remembering today.

I do not have these pretty things to say about my faith. I hardly trust that it is "all in God's hands." I struggle with the idea that "God already has a plan for it." I rarely feel that "God has laid something on my heart." It is not that I am theologically (or otherwise) opposed to these notions, I simply don't feel them. I trust that God has a grip on what my reality is, as God did create it. However, that is not necessarily a comforting thing to me. How tumultous is it to think that my suffering and my sorrow is part of God's plan? How are people strong enough not only to consider that God let's them suffer as part of his plan, but to greet that as a comforting idea? I worry that I am too critical and cynical to allow God to lay anything on my heart . . . the only exception to this is the occassional, overwhelming outburst of engaged empathy. I have always considered faith a place where questions are welcomed and confusion expected. However, I am having a hard time lately finding assuredness that God appreciates my questions.